Once Upon a Time in the West (of London)

[Martin Cassini]

18.11.09 In the early evening winter dark, cycling down Park Lane towards Hyde Park Corner, near the Hilton, a bus overtakes me then pulls in to stop. At first I assume he is going to leave a gap for me to carry on through (my flashing cycle lights are on front and back) but no, he blocks and forces me to stop. He is at an angle to the kerb - as I brake, I thump the side of the bus hard with my open gloved hand, twice, to express my fury. There is just room between kerb and bus for me to reach the door. He won’t open it. A shouting match starts through the glass. In front of a captive audience we exchange (clean but mean) invective. I want to talk without a barrier between us. I manage to get to the other side and we continue our slanging match through his open side window. Before the speechless passengers, at full pitch, I maintain verbal composure and explain to him that I’m a fellow road-user with equal rights SO CAN HE PLEASE RESPECT MY RIGHT TO THE ROAD SPACE AND NOT CUT ME UP! I repeat the phrase, RESPECT MY ROAD SPACE! Finally he stops yacking and listens, then cracks a gentle smile of apology. We shake hands and I set off again. Only to enter the vortex that is Hyde Park Corner. I reach the front of the traffic queue and set off just before the lights turn green, accompanied by another cyclist. I’ve hardly travelled any distance when there's an almighty engine roar and I find myself crowded in my lane as a Lambo (I think) overtakes me at full throttle, followed in an apparent race by a turbocharged Honda. Jeez! Then, rounding the bend towards Victoria at the head of Constitution Hill, I hear a police siren blaring and think the cops are chasing the racers, and the racers seem to think so too, because they slow down … but the police car screams past all of us in the general direction of Victoria. Hair-raising. Soon I reach the safety of Eaton Place and unwind along the gentle, genteel side streets of Belgravia and Chelsea.